November 7, 2024


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Maggie Van Ostrand's columns and articles cover more topics than Washington has lobbyists. Each is listed below, with a descriptive blurb. We don't know what a blurb is, but Maggie thinks they may be useful here.
  • Pet Loss, or, Have Ashes, Will Travel
    If you have trouble dealing with the loss of a beloved pet, life sometimes supplies an unexpected countermeasure to the pain.
  • Bad Mothers
    To a little girl, mommy is a goddess, the world's most beautiful woman and the one she most wants to be like. We honor our moms on Mother's Day, but the question is: should all mothers be honored? What about the bad ones?
  • Erotic Politicians Promote Sex Abstinence Studies
    We have enough trouble keeping congress out of our pockets; we don't need them in our thongs.
  • LAW SCHOOL IN A BOX
    In a litigious society such as this one where people can sue for any little thing and win, it seems we don't have enough lawyers. Now we can become lawyers ourselves.
  • BRANDO
    Brando was the best film actor this country has ever produced. He was a river of talent, itself producing great tributaries: McQueen, Dean, Nicholson, Newman, DiNiro, Pacino, and it looks as if Edward Norton and Kiefer Sutherland might eventually join their ranks.
  • BLONDE
    The hair alone is great. Too bad it doesn't go with the face under it.
  • Hair
    Normal fear can propel a person to do constructive things, like running away from a psychotic Cambodian handyman or single-handedly lifting a Hummer off a barefoot wrangler from the Sundance Institute, or thinking that plenty of checks in your checkbook means plenty of money in the bank. But when it comes to hair, well, that's another story.
  • The Great Roger Miller Las Vegas Pawn Shop Shooting
    Fellow songwriter Kris Kristofferson asked guitarist Thumbs Carllile, "When does Roger sleep?" and Thumbs said, "Don't know. I've only been with him for three years."
  • The Red Carpet
    Hollywood's backslapping sessions need to be plumped up with a few true-to-life awards.
  • Sorrygottago
    Ever been called in the middle of a meal by a telemarketer? Ever been stuck for an excuse to get your talkative friend off the phone? Ever wanted to get back to what you were doing before the phone rang but your mom keeps on talking?
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©2021 Maggie Van Ostrand, all rights reserved.

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