November 7, 2024


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Maggie Van Ostrand's columns and articles cover more topics than Washington has lobbyists. Each is listed below, with a descriptive blurb. We don't know what a blurb is, but Maggie thinks they may be useful here.
  • OWEN WILSON'S DARK SIDE
    Film star Owen Wilson's request for the media to allow him to receive car and heal in private during this difficult time means we shouldn't ask how his wrists are healing or how long it took for him to build up an immunication to that many pills, and especially why he chose such girly suicide methods.
  • BUZZ OFF
    Just when you think you've got your kids under control, along comes some wiseguy with a new idea to outwit parents.
  • U of Texas: Shocking Study
    Professor Cindy Meston, U. Texas at Austin, has discovered that pleasure and procreation are not the only reasons students have sex.
  • Dear Uncle Sam
    A thank you note for sending all that cash to Texans for not growing rice when they weren't going to anyway.
  • Fencing Politicians
    We no longer need comedians to make us laugh. We have Washington.
  • WHAT WOMEN WANT
    Back when women collected nuts and berries and men had contests over who had the longest loin cloth, women didn't ask for much. Times have changed.
  • Jack Bauer: Not Your Ordinary Father
    Jack Bauer goes beyond the norm when challenged with yet another death-defying deed to save the world and his daughter, Kim, from terrorists and slimy things that go bump in the night.
  • Daddy Dearest
    Lindsay Lohan, Michael Jackson, Ben Affleck, and Angelina Jolie share one thing in common -- weird dads. Even Tony Soprano is nicer to his kids.
  • THE GOD TALK
    When little Timmy's dad came home from work to find his son drawing a picture, he asked, "What are you drawing?" "I'm drawing a picture of God," answered Timmy. Dad smiled and said, "You can't draw a picture of God, son. Nobody knows what God looks like." Replied Timmy, "They will when I'm done."
  • SAY BARTENDER, MAKE MINE TUNA ON THE ROCKS
    Can Jesus's miracle of turning water into wine be equalled? China is now turning fermented fish into wine.
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