Mom versus Ursus
by Maggie Van Ostrand
Ursus Americana sounds like the name of somebody who won on American Idol, or somebody who's trying to out-Uma Uma Thurman. But no, it's the swanky name for the California Black Bear, the only bear now to be found in the wilds of California.
Apparently, my home town is considered the wilds because Ursus paid a visit to Steve and Debbie Nelson when they lived here not too long ago.
Picture this: It's a chilly evening just before Halloween. Trick or treaters are expected, and you're responsible for three little children, home after school. Sounds like an ordinary evening. But it's not.
Without even phoning first, a full-grown black bear walks up your front steps bold as brass and pounds for admittance. Of course, you shout through the door, "Go away. We only allow humans in here. Find your own food." The uninvited guest does not like to hear this. Why should he have to find his own food when all those campers leave it for him? He knows you keep a big can of dog food in the garage because his nose tells him so, and he figures the pickings should be even better in your kitchen. Besides, he doesn't fancy dog food. So he pushes against the door hard, and then harder still.
Now you're scared, yell for the kids to hit the deck, and call for help from your visiting dad and your police-officer husband, home for the evening. Men are great at this stuff. Too smart to argue with such a large and hairy intruder, both men press their bodies against the door and push back. Quite a picture, right? Are you nervous yet?
Now the bear applies all his formidable strength, but the two men hold fast, so the bear takes up a new position. He plops his large self on the railing outside your door and waits for the men to either leave, or grow tired. But they remain vigilant. Sigh.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, desperate mom dials for help. She calls local security, then Animal Control, then Fish & Game, then an expert who supplies wildlife to movies. Fish and Game have the day off. Movie guy is out of the country. Local security responds.
Sure they come, but don't know quite what to do. On the phone, Animal Control tells mom to feed the bear until they can get there. They tell her to give it frozen food, thawed or not, anything to keep the bear there. She does not comply. Moms are smarter than animal control people.
Meaning no disrespect to Animal Control, they send the dog catcher, who puts food in the rear compartment, then hides in the truck cab hoping to entice the bear inside the back. The bear doesn't like being thought of as a dog. Hasn't he just turned down dog food in the garage in favor of dinner in the kitchen? So he begins to hiss, and then charges. Animal Control guy begins honking his horn and aiming his truck at the bear. Why didn't they just send The Three Stooges?
The bear does what anybody would do when faced with a frustrated dog catcher; he snarls, hisses and growls, then runs away. It appears the problem is solved. Security leaves. Animal Control leaves (his shift is over anyway). Sensing the all-clear, the hungry bear returns to finish what he started.
Having seen Ursus' agressive streak, and exhausting all her resources, mom has no choice but to call in a pair of bear-tag licensed hunters whose volunteer services she had refused on the first visit. The hunters come, and rush the bear away from the house. But still, it refuses to leave the area and stays across the street, waiting. So they had to, well, figure that part out for yourself.
Some members of the community were figuratively up in arms over the hunters being literally up in arms, and blamed mom for the bear's demise. A controversy ensued as to the correctness of mom's actions. Ask yourself this: If you had to choose between a bear and a child, and all other methods had been fruitless, what would you do?
Most important, if humans supply bears with food thus eliminating their need to seek natural foods (grass, leaves, nuts, berries, buds, twigs, roots, corn, fruits, insects, plant sprouts, invertebrates, fish, carrion, fruit, succulent plants, eggs, birds, and small mammals), we, too, might get a night visitor pummeling our door.
Bears will dig up underground wasp nests to eat the insects, nest and all. They are extremely hungry when they emerge from their winter dormancy period in the spring and will often strip the bark off trees to eat the sugary cambium layer. It is now spring.
To environmentalists and bear lovers, don't worry about the California Black Bear's extinction (like the Grizzly back in 1922), as population has increased greatly in the past 20 years. Statewide bear population is approximately 30,000. Bears may be cute, but they're nothing to mess with.
So if Ursus Americana thrusts his huge bulk against your front door, you'd better have some frozen food ready -- and hit him over the head with it.
Then call a hunter.
####
|
