Politically Indirect, or, The True Meaning of Humbug
by Maggie Van Ostrand
Humbug means "deception" and if there's anyplace to find humbugs it's D.C. Why, just because politicians talk doesn't mean they're saying anything. It's high time we sat down and figured out the true meanings behind their deceptive words.
Here are 10 examples of differences between what they say and what they
mean:
- FLIP-FLOP
- I didn't think you'd understand the word "reversal."
- ESTEEMED COLLEAGUE
- I hate his guts.
- IF YOU WILL
- I'm sorry, I have no idea of what I just said
- GOING FORWARD
- I'm making a circular movement resulting in a full stop
- WHAT AMERICA WANTS
- Whatever lobbyists pay me to say you want.
- SEA CHANGE
- I'll send U.S. jobs overseas because those corporations pay me a lot more than you do.
- SPECIAL INTERESTS
- Anonymous corporations willing to pay large money for small favors. Pipeline anyone?
- OBSTRUCTIONIST
- By voting no, I can stay loyal to those who pay me the most.
- MANDATE
- That's when I'm paid to make
you believe that something you don't want is something you do want.
Also known as Inventing Statistics.
- BI-PARTISAN
- Even if it's good for the nation, I say no anyway because it's now my comfort zone.
I used to think D.C. stood for District of Columbia but it doesn't -- it stands for Dodge City. Finding out that politicians are full of humbug is on a par with finding out there isn't any tooth fairy, Santa Claus doesn't come down the chimney, and mistletoe is really a fungus.
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