Playground Politics
by Maggie Van Ostrand
The culture of Playground Politics has never been more apparent than these last few weeks. "I've got more money than you." "Have not" "Have too" "Have not" "Have too" and "That's what you said" "Did not" "Did too" "Did not" "Did too" and "I've got Oprah Winfrey" "Oh yeah? I've got Barbra Streisand" "I've got Jack Nicholson" "Oh yeah? I've got Robert DeNiro." and "You hung out with a slum landlord." "Oh yeah? Then how come that's you in the photo with him?" "Is not!" "Is too!"
I'm not even going to mention Ann Coulter promising to stump for Hillary if McCain is the Republican Party's nominee. Does anyone care? Come to think of it, Coulter's presence would doubtless bring Hillary down further in the polls, like Billy's big mouth wasn't enough to hurt her chances. Somebody should tell the teacher on that guy before he gets into more trouble.
Just think about Hillary's eyes welling up yet again as soon as she saw Obama rapidly closing the gap? That resonated with the women votors which must be why she decided to do it every time Obama's numbers went up and hers went down. Isn't she the same woman who claimed she was not a victim when Billy made eyes at another kid in the playground? I wonder what she really thinks of women that we'd fall for those same old tricks that we invented in the first place.
Tears didn't work the second time. Then she tried mocking Obama. That didn't work either. One of the "strategeries" she tried during the Feb 26th debate in Ohio, which her campaign workers referred to as "the kitchen sink," included a sarcastic referral to a Saturday Night Live skit. Hey Hillary -- it's a comedy show, not a political advisory board. And whining because SNL suggested in their COMEDY skit that Obama was favored over Clinton by CNN debate moderators.
Crying? Whining? Sarcastic? These are the traits men leave their wives over. No wonder they're flocking to Obama. The Ohio debate also featured Hillary talking non-stop; even the moderator was unable to stop her. Perhaps she thinks that, should she be elected president of the U.S., she can blab so much and so long to heads of states, that they'll eventually give in to whatever she wants just to shut her up.
My solution was simple: I left the room until she quit talking. Besides childish candidates, parents like the DNC answered by punishing the states as well as the kids. Think Michigan where the DNC stripped that state of its delegates as punishment for holding an early primary. Think Florida when the DNC stripped that state of its delegates for the same reason. Think the turning of little Teddy in Massachusetts. I'm not saying that Teddy was angry because Billy didn't follow his advice. It must be a big fat coincidence that Teddy came out for the opponent shortly after. That'll teach you, Billy. Is Howard Dean still "Yee Hawing?"
I fully expected to be punished myself at the polling place. "Do you want a paper ballot or the machine?" I was asked. I cannot recall ever having been asked that before. It's like SATs for 2008 voting. I chose paper and, judging by the expression of the volunteer behind the table, I half expected the CIA to come bursting through the flimsy sides of the cardboard "booth," guns blazing, warrants in hand -- oh that's right, they probably don't need warrants any more -- and arrest me on a charge of Not Going Green for choosing to vote on paper. I wanted to cry out "Please! Not the waterboard!!!"
The ballot was handed to me in a "secret envelope." Could've fooled me, it looked just like a manila folder. It was kind of cute though, when the volunteer I handed the "secret envelope" to, the one containing my executed paper ballot, turned his eyes away as he slid the contents from the "secret envelope" into a big black machine. Maybe it was a shredder.
Super Tuesday? I don't think so. "Super" would be if all 50 states had primaries on the same day. It must be hurtful, if not downright insulting, to live in a state that doesn't seem relevant and is neither talked about nor polled for opinions. Then again, it might be a blessing. It would be a relief, for example, not to have to answer the phone every time your vote is needed. What if every single person in every state not included in Super Tuesday voted for, say, Ron Paul? Then we'd have a real race for the nomination, and not the childish games that keep me glued to the TV.
Where's Jack Bauer when we really need him?
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