America is Just Fine, Thank You
by Maggie Van Ostrand
Just when we disgustedly accepted that the government has been listening to our phone calls and reading our mail, adding another loss of personal freedom to the rising stack, we find that all is not lost. America is still full of it's own special attitude of don't-tell-us-we-can't-do-that. There's good news, and the good news is big.
A law banning smoking in nearly all indoor workplaces in Arkansas went into effect last year. But they forgot something and now Arkansas lawmakers have rejected an attempt to ban chewing tobacco and spittoons.
At first glance, this might not seem like a huge thing compared with, say, "Get us out of Iraq," or "Why are so many of our politicians corrupt?" or "If Americans don't allow child labor or eat dogs, how come we buy from a country that does?" just give this micro-revolution in Arkansas a little attention and listen hard for the Rebel Yell. The South is rising.
Sure, it's not the same as throwing tea into Boston Harbor to protest unjust taxation (although that's still be a good idea), but it is, in effect, one small voice crying out "Enough!!!!" There was a time we didn't allow ourselves to be pushed around by anyone the way we do today. Except in good old Arkansas where enough is enough.
In Little Rock, lawmakers will not allow themselves to be forced to give up their spittoons or their snuff, thanks to some tough House of Representative members who fought back and rejected a rule banning chewing tobacco from their chambers. Imagine working your way up to being a congressman and now they don't even want you to pull on a plug. That's not the American way. Never was, never will be.
Further attempts were made to ban the use of all tobacco products when Arkansas House rules had previously prohibited food, drink, and the smoking of cigars, cigarettes or pipes. However, they forgot to ban chewing tobacco. We can't expect congressmen to think of everything. And let us not forget that chewin' and spittin' can allegedly bring pleasure akin to that of a jigger of Kickapoo Joy Juice.
Some members tried to discourage chewing tobacco even without the ban by putting loathsome pictures of tobacco chewers' diseased mouths on the desks of all members as a last-ditch effort to win the vote against the last tobacco-related pleasure afforded the users.
The Associated Press is also interested in this small showing of Southern rebellion as well, because they reported some of the conversations in the Arkansas House of Reps as follows:
"We need to set an example in here for all the kids who sit in the gallery and watch us work," said Democrat Rep. Randy Stewart.
Rep. Billy Gaskill, who smokes and does not chew tobacco, said he opposed the ban and suggested supporters of the restriction were hypocrites with their own health problems.
"Here we go again, telling us how to live and how to die, and the very people that are most for this amendment are about 50 pounds overweight," said Gaskill, another Democrat. "Leave us alone. ... Let us die the way we want to."
Rep. Monty Davenport, who voted against the ban, pulled out a can of chewing tobacco during an interview outside the House chamber after the vote. Davenport said he wouldn't have minded if the ban passed and said he's trying to quit using chewing tobacco. "It is gross, and as a health issue you can't defend it. It's unhealthy," said Davenport, a Democrat.
The University of Virginia suggests, instead of chewing tobacco, people suck on pumpkin or sunflower seeds. Plumping up that suggestion, think of what nice, hearty pings those used seeds would make as they're spat across the room and hit the sides of a shiny brass spittoon.
Or if you're a snuff lover, instead, try shoving a sunflower seed up your nose.
We certainly are not advocating dipping, chewing, or snorting. What we are advocating is the right to continue utilizing the American privilege of doing just as we please.
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